I break the mold, often seen rearing children and levitating objects. In my spare time, I consult heads of states, giving them insight into policy on hip replacement. I expand the horizons of alcoholics, I mentor geniuses and I construct castles in record time. In the summer, I tame creation weekly.
I’ve built 100% of what is important to 10% of Americans. I not only challenge the status quo but I regularly challenge those who challenge the status quo. In a previous life, I could fly and chew gum at the same time. I am an expert in drywall, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Florida.
In college, starving and outnumbered, I defended the weak and helped the helpless using supernatural powers. I’ve danced with the famous, I’ve played piano with 2 fingers, I’ve been liked by cats and the humans they control. My op-ed articles are published on the most popular website in the world. I am immune to iocane powder.
Strangers trust me, women respect me, wild beasts fear me and Eddie Murphy knows me. I have inspected top secret nuclear submarines, transported top secret weapons and detected hazardous materials. I’ve worked for the people, fought the man and hugged the homeless. I have successfully cloned myself on at least 3 different occasions with very little effort. At an early age, I discovered electricity using only a fork.
I graduated the top of the class from Dad University. I have mastered the art of lip-locking, foot rubbing and time travel. On the weekends, I consume toxins without any ill effects. I am the subject of much debate in the tri-state area. In 2012 I was voted top male chef by the people who count. I’ve confounded scientists, suffered fools and impressed my in-laws. I debate with half my brain tied behind my back just to make it fair. Like Johnny Cash, I have been everywhere. On multiple occasions, I’ve turned blind dates into weddings.
Currently, I am the Director of Operations at Myriad Mobile and I live in Moorhead MN with my wife and 3 children.